Health Diaries > The PTSD Blog

January 20, 2007

The PTSD Blog

Welcome to The PTSD Blog, a community blog open to which anyone with an interest in post traumatic stress disorder can contribute. Post personal stories, links to related websites and blogs, news stories, commentary, or just your thoughts for the day. Post as often as you like. No registration required! Visit the submit page to submit content.

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PTSD...after many years of quietly existing in the background...WHAMO... it had hit and has left me dazed.
Nobody knows what to say, what to do... take these pills...now let's forget about it, they say.

Huh?

I am lost...dazed...here somewhere, begging for help. Yet, why ask for help if there is noe available right now? It's like asking for something one will never, ever be able to have. Fruitless.

What will become of the many souls we have coming home from "assignments" in areas of "conflict?" How will we help them if we do not get better at this???

I am one...or few. They are very,very many...who is going to help the wailing souls?

Oh, yes... the pharmaceutical companies will befriend them, for a price.

Where's the human hand in this, the one that can soothe if only it knew how? Why are so many just "ducking out" of their "calling" to help?

I have been screaming for help. I am told to take a pill...or two..maybe even three, if needed.

Can't you see the neglect? The failure to respond to other human beings? Where are you?

PTSD...and I struggle one with another, to see who will win. I cry, I pray, I hope, I wait...I crouch, I hide, I'm numb, I die...inside. I am an empty shell... now.

~ ~ You could have helped ~ ~

I had seizures for 40 of 44 years and in 1999 had surgery to remove my left amygdala and part of the hippocampus and scar tissue on the left temporal lobe of the brain and I became seizure free for 1 1/2 years. Never healthier and then on April 24, 2001, was standing at a pedestrian crosswalk waiting for the light to change, heard a LOUD crash, looked down and a red van was coming at me. All I remember, is Oh my God! Left or right. I was hit and all I remember is red at the end of my nose. My head went through the windshield and broke my left side up and pulverized my left knee. I found out I had what the Viet-Nam Vets I volunteered with in the 80's in Tampa had. PTSD. Mine is Complex PTSD and mild TBI-Traumatic Brain injury. They say my case is UNIQUE because I am the only one on the planet who had the left amygdala removed and then hit and have Complex PTSD! They took my case to Hawaii and hundreds of researchers from all around met and they are now moving their research to the right side of the brain. I hope with all the testing, it will help people and the soldiers. I have flashbacks, nightmares, panic attacks, sudden loud noises and I see the RED coming at me!! I stay inside mostly. What caused me to be hit...an illegal 20 year old MEXICAN with no drivers license, No social security, No insurance and it was a hit & run and they found him two months later and put it through a speedy trial and released him!!!! While I was having a second surgery on my knee. I hear sirens all day and night and it ALL comes back. Have to keep music on. I just hope that the testing and research I have let the researchers do will help. They have tried everything with me, EMDR, tapping, etc., nothing works.Drivers are more dangerous everyday. They are care-LESS drivers. I was just out with a friend and we were rear ended and it all came back. Was screaming. People are always in a hurry and cell phones and looking everywhere but the road.

I am a Army veteran of the Gulf War, I was a driver of a Bradley Fighting Vehicle. My unit fought the Iraqi Republican Guard in three campaigns and my vehicle was point for the brigade. I drove for 172 hours straight, engaged in 100 hours of sustained combat and witnessed literally thousands of enemy combatants die in that short span of time.

Since being honorably discharged from the service of my country I have struggled with PTSD, depression, substance use disorder, homelessness, social and health issues. It took me 7 tries and 15 years to go through the VA bureaucracy to get the help that I needed. Nothing has been given to me that I have not fought for with my life, either in the Gulf War or with the VA. I gave freely of my time and service, the same was not done for me.

I have begun a blog to tell my experience with PTSD:

http://ptsdasoldiersperspective.blogspot.com/

We tell a soldier or veteran of war "welcome home" because the battle never leaves us, as we return from conflict everyday of our lives. This is my story and struggle with PTSD, it affects every aspect of my life. I want people to know what a combat veteran goes through after the media and people forget.

DON'T GIVE UP !!!!!
I am still FIGHTING for the soldiers of previous wars and now! I am the one who has the UNIQUE case due to my left amygdala being removed and they are now focusing on the right and doing research. Each day is a new day. I have really bad days but keep fighting my own battles and I have never been in the war but have the exact same symptoms!!! I volunteered with the Viet Nam Vets in Tampa Bay in the 80's and now I KNOW what they were and still are going through.

Hi there -

After over 25 years of suffering from an extreme case of PTSD, I have finally kicked the habit. I see PTSD as a sort of unwanted addiction to trauma, one that can, like any addiction, be overcome so that we no longer suffer and are free to live a full, trauma-free life.

In this blog (http://parasitesofthemind.blogspot.com) I explore the interrelated issues of how trauma affects identity, the difficulty of surviving survival, the agonies of PTSD, and the role of joy in leading us out of PTSD hell and into a fun, fulfilling life.

Please feel free to email me (parasitesof.themind@yahoo.com) with ideas, suggestions and comments. As survivors, we don't have to be isolated in our tragedies, nor do we have to be alone in our healing.

Over the past year I have completely overcome all of my physical and psychological PTSD symptoms. It can be done. Come heal with me!

Best on your road to recovery,
Michele

Glad you people got over the PTSD. I CANNOT. EVERY Dr. has told me so due to my UNIQUES case. I just am ready to die. I can't go anywhere, do anything, I freak out at loud sudden noises,and flashbacks and nightmares will NOT GO AWAY! Because of my UNIQUE case, I have NO help.



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